Worms in a Can

For some peculiar reason, over the past month or so, I have been plagued with the realization that I am no where ready to bring a child into this world. Truly a bizarre troubling issue that has been keeping me up at night - I’m fully aware. Most people in my position may be worrying about what to do next in life, where to live upon returning to the States, to return to school or try and find a job – all things I certainly turn over in my mind, but for some reason, this whole baby thing has really taken hold of me.

My newborn anxieties stem from the awareness that I have a lot of things to sort through in terms of my personal faith, values, beliefs, etc. You know, all the big questions in life that no one really seems to have the answers to. This was the topic of last night’s spirituality night that our community holds once a week. It’s an opportunity for the four of us to get together and share about various items related to spirituality in a very broad sense of the word. When you sit down and intentionally take the time to really ponder these great philosophical questions you may think to yourself “Why the hell did I just open this can of worms?”

Now don’t worry Mom and Dad, this whole sorting through of thing does not mean I am going to turn around and become some kind of religious group hopping crazed individual – although the dreads may or may not have been giving off that vibe – it just means things are becoming more personal, more mine.

I find this new discovery to be both overwhelming and invigorating. If I have received anything from my time in JVI thus far, it has been the ability to take the time to look at myself and to see the parts that I love and the parts that are in need of some serious changin’ – hence, why the dreads are no longer attached to my scalp. Fun while they lasted, but nice to be rid of them.

So the next time you or someone else in the room opens the can of worms, do not start freaking out in search of the lid. Embrace the unknown answers and the vulnerability; you just might discover more of yourself and more of others.