The Countdown Begins?

Welp, it’s true. I am almost at the two month countdown mark until leaving Belize.

I am not sure if my mind has even processed this fact completely. Actually no, that is a lie – I am positive my mind has not completely processed this. I have definitely had some snippets in my days in which this reality has sunk in and it usually results in some serious journaling activity (as Matt likes to say, journaling is my “favorite”), bouts of depression, and the occasional shedding of a few (or a lot) of tears.

Where does this leave me? I am not quite sure. Though I definitely feel as though it is my time to leave the place I have made into my home, I also recognize how hard the transition will be.

A great deal of my anxiety stems from the idea of leaving my lifestyle as a Jesuit Volunteer and returning into a culture that is so often times focused on the independence and “success” of the individual. Living in an intentional community has been one of the greatest challenges and life giving aspects of my time in Belize. Living in community and learning to rely on one another has brought forth a tremendous amount of personal, spiritual, and communal growth – all of which I could have never anticipated upon entering the program.

My hope for returning to the States is to find a community that will continue to foster such growth. What this community may look like, I am not sure. What I do know is that I am determined to find one.

As the clock continues to tick, I do my best to stay in the moment. When it is a Sunday, a thousand degrees, and there is absolutely nothing to do in town except read a book that I have been reading for the past five hours, I get on my bike, ride to the gas station and buy some ideals (ice pops) - a simple way to enjoy the day that much more. These are the moments I may not remember in years to come, but these are the moments I remember today.

I may not know how I will do when it is my time to go from here, but I do know that I have two more months of days to fill with these “forgettable” moments!

Peace and love to all.