This is going to be a challenge, fi chroo.

The following is another lee bit of insight into my current mental workings as my time in Belize comes to an end. It may seem scattered and discombobulated, but that's just about how I am feeling these days - all over the place! Enjoy :)

(sitting in the corner of the big orange couch reading Paulo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed while drinking a not so strong cup of vanilla-hazelnut coffee - 7:35am)

At this moment, I am extremely overwhelmed by two contrasting emotions. I am struggling so much to remain present in my time here while at the same time feeling as though I do not want to leave this place.

As I sit on this couch, I look around my house and think about how absolutely perfect it is. I wonder if I will ever find another home that I love this much. It is so simple in its being and contents and yet provides such a comforting, welcoming, secure and serene space. It is not congested with technology, with excess, with "needed" junk - it is simple, colorful, and my home. There are holes in the walls and in the floors, rats and cockroaches scurry about, our kitchen table chairs do not match, our kitchen faucet is a hose spicket, the walls are covered with post cards, magazine cut outs, a turtle shell, an iguana skin, the solar system, maps and painted quotes, conch shells line our front wall, our aloe plant continues to die and resurrect, our living room walls show three layers of paint and the bare wood, two out of five of our windows have curtains, the crows on our palms trees will not shut up, Baxter will not shut up, and the school children will not shut up - some may find all of this to be obnoxious or unsanitary, but to me it is comforting.

Even as I look around the house in admiration, my mind continues to fill itself with daydreams of returning home. I picture myself in my house in the kitchen with the family, at Pepe's pizza with friends, eating my first soft serve ice cream cone (large vanilla on any cone but a sugar cone), on the Cape reading a book or walking through town, or in Boston, completely mesmerized by real city life.

It is a bizarre feeling to be simultaneously plagued by these two realities. I try my best to experience both while not investing too much in the future. Remaining present, though a challenge at times, is what is most important. Remember this. Do this.

Love to all and see you soon(ish)!